Palutena's Topless-Turvy Beach Day
by AquaRaptor
Summary: Palutena goes on a trip to the beach for a relaxing day in the sun, but things go awry when an unwanted visitor pops out of her picnic basket... Rated T for some raunchy themes.


**You could sorta consider this a fan sequel to "Palutena's Revolting Dinner". If you haven't seen it yet, I recommend doing so before reading this.**

On a bright and sunny day, Palutena was at the beach. She was wearing a silken two-piece bikini, complete with a transparent beach-skirt. Accompanying her were Pit and (begrudgingly) Viridi.

"It is gorgeous out today! Perfect weather for getting a tan," said Palutena. "Pit, if you'd be so kind…"

Pit laid down a towel, set up an umbrella, and placed a picnic basket.

"There you go, Lady Palutena!"

"Splendid!" Palutena cheered as she collapsed onto the towel.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get some reading done. You kids go have some fun," she said, waving them off.

"Why did I agree to this?" Viridi moaned.

"Oh, come on, Viridi. There's nothing wrong with taking some time off every now and then," Pit assured her.

"I know that! By why the beach? There's nothing here but sand and undrinkable water!" she complained.

"There's also an ice cream stand. Wanna get some?" he asked.

"…Yeah, sure, whatever," she grumbled.

Pit and Viridi walked away, leaving Palutena to her book. After a few minutes, her stomach started to rumble.

"I could really go for some grapes right now," Palutena muttered. She opened her picnic basket and promptly took an egg to the face.

"Agh! What was that?! And why did Pit pack a raw egg?!" she griped, wiping the yolk off her forehead.

A carrot with limbs and a single eye popped out of the basket. Palutena stared in bewilderment until it hit her.

"You're one of those carrots I brought to life! I thought I dealt with you all?"

The cyclopean vegetable scowled and shook its fist, clearly resentful over the incident.

"You must've snuck into my picnic basket when no one was looking! Well, don't you worry. You'll be joining your friends in the compost bin soon enough!"

The carrot jumped off the basket just as Palutena tried to grab it, falling onto her towel in the process.

"Hold still!" she commanded.

Palutena swatted repeatedly at the orange pest, but it dodged her every swing. Eventually, she lost track of it altogether.

"Where did that little appetizer go?" Palutena wondered, looking around.

She felt a slight tickle.

"Hmm?"

The Goddess glanced over her shoulder and saw the carrot clinging to her back, busily untying the strings of her swimsuit bra.

"What are you-?!"

The vegetable yanked Palutena's top off, liberating her breasts.

"Hey, give that back!" Palutena demanded as she clutched her spilled goods. The carrot mockingly waved the stolen garment and ran away.

"Oh, now you're really in for it!" she barked.

Palutena got to her feet and chased after the fleeing crop, but the little cyclops was surprisingly fast and managed to stay ahead of her.

"Oh, so you're a quick ingredient, huh? Well, let's see how you fare against my SUPER SPEED!"

Palutena activated her powers and soared across the beach, rapidly closing in on her tiny adversary. With one arm wrapped around her chest, she reached out for her top.

"Almost gotcha!"

Thinking fast, the vegetable kicked some sand into the air, blinding Palutena.

"Ack! I should've brought some sunglasses!"

She hurtled out of control and crashed face-first onto the beach.

"Ouch…"

"L-Lady Palutena?!" Pit stammered.

Palutena looked up and saw Pit and Viridi staring down at her.

"Oh… Hey, guys…" she mumbled, covering herself as modestly as she could.

"Looks like someone wanted an all-over tan," Viridi teased.

"I d-didn't know it was th-that kind of beach…" Pit sputtered.

"It's not what either of you are thinking. Pit, remember that time I brought all those vegetables to life?" Palutena asked.

"You mean when you made your vegetable surprise?" Pit responded.

"Yes, that. One of them survived and stowed away in my picnic basket. Apparently, this is its way of getting revenge on me..."

"Whoa, slow down. What's this I hear about bringing vegetables to life?" Viridi questioned.

"I'll explain later," Palutena assured, standing up. "In the meantime, you two can help me find the little cretin."

"Eh, I suppose I should. This _is_ more of you than I really need to see, after all," Viridi joked.

"Funny…"

"Someone give me the power of flight. I'll track it down from above," said Pit.

"I'll do it," said Viridi. With a wave of her finger, she strengthened Pit's wings, allowing him to fly.

"I'll be back!" he stated as he took to the sky.

"I can't wait to get my hands on that thing…" Palutena growled.

"You sure about that? 'Cause your hands seem pretty full right now," Viridi quipped. Palutena scowled and turned away.

_"Maybe this trip was worth it after all. It's fun to see Palutena get knocked down a few pegs,"_ thought Viridi.

The carrot quietly tiptoed across the beach until it noticed a shadow. Seconds later, Pit dove into it like a missile, creating a mushroom cloud of sand.

"Mission accomplished!" Pit cheered as he hoisted the struggling carrot.

The bikini top flew through the air and landed on Viridi's head.

"Ew, gross!" Viridi shrieked.

"I'll take that," Palutena said happily as she snatched it away.

"See, Pit? I told you a beach trip was a bad idea! Now I've got Palutena germs!" Viridi whined.

"But you liked the ice cream, didn't you?" asked Pit.

"…Yeah, I did, even though it was made by a _human…_" Viridi murmured.

"Viridi!" Pit chastised.

"Just sayin'…"

"Well, now that I'm clothed again, I would like to exact some divine punishment on this carrot," Palutena announced.

"What are you going to do?" Pit inquired.

"Well, the rejuvenation potion washes off with water, so I think I'll bury it in the sand and let high tide do the rest."

"So basically, it'll be forced to watch as the ocean creeps closer and closer, knowing that its death is imminent?" asked Viridi.

"Pretty much," Palutena chuckled.

"Wow, Palu, I didn't think you had it in ya," Viridi sneered.

"That's just cruel!" Pit wailed.

"Oh, alright. I'll make it quick."

Palutena smacked the carrot out of Pit's hand, sending it into the sea. Soon after, it washed up on shore as a regular piece of produce.

"Now, I believe you owe me an explanation…" Viridi reminded.

"Pit will tell you the story. I have a vacation to get back to," Palutena replied, walking back to her towel.

"Chasing that rabbit snack around really worked up an appetite. I could go for those grapes more than ever now."

She opened the basket and looked inside. Every grape had been smashed into a juicy pulp.

"…Well played, carrot. Well played," she sighed.


End file.
